As the first semester of my sophomore year of college comes to a close. With final projects due in the next week and a half, i start to stress and freak out more than is necessary. With evaluations on the 16th, a panel of teachers looking and evaluating my work over the semester and giving me helpful hints and suggestions, that always makes me freak out. I start to turn to friends, old reruns of tv shows and random walks around Beverly always help to calm me down. But lately thanks to the help of some very wonderful people, i've started to turn to reading my bible and reflecting on how God wants to help me.
Now i was raised Catholic and i've gone to church almost every Sunday with my mother, catechism classes and a faith group i joined last semester, I've started to learn to open my heart back up to God and let his love and hope fill me and keep me moving forward in life.
A few events in my life caused a huge rift in my relationship with God; my first real best friend/great-grandmother's sudden death, my father figure/grandfather's death and my grandmother diagnosed with terminal cancer. It was hard for me to accept that these things were something that were meant to happen, and that it wasn't some cruel heartless trick played on me. I've finally realized that in all these horrible things were some blessings and miracles; my great grandmother dying showed me true pain that helped me mature past most of my peers in ways that have me looking back and wondering if that was when my childhood ended or if it had ended before that. My grandfather dying helped me break through in certain areas in my therapy and helped me figure things out. My grandmother surpassing her 4-6 months to live to 2 years living with cancer has shown me that as long as you fight you always can get through things. And watching my mother deal with all of these things and being my rock is a wonderful thing to watch as a women growing up wanting to know how to handle situations like these.
I'm turning to God more and more in situations i find myself in, and praying for patience and for him to help me understand things. And the more time with him i spend the happier and lighter my load feels.
