Sophomore Year.

As the first semester of my sophomore year of college comes to a close. With final projects due in the next week and a half, i start to stress and freak out more than is necessary. With evaluations on the 16th, a panel of teachers looking and evaluating my work over the semester and giving me helpful hints and suggestions, that always makes me freak out. I start to turn to friends, old reruns of tv shows and random walks around Beverly always help to calm me down. But lately thanks to the help of some very wonderful people, i've started to turn to reading my bible and reflecting on how God wants to help me.
Now i was raised Catholic and i've gone to church almost every Sunday with my mother, catechism classes  and a faith group i joined last semester, I've started to learn to open my heart back up to God and let his love and hope fill me and keep me moving forward in life.
A few events in my life caused a huge rift in my relationship with God; my first real best friend/great-grandmother's sudden death, my father figure/grandfather's death and my grandmother diagnosed with terminal cancer. It was hard for me to accept that these things were something that were meant to happen, and that it wasn't some cruel heartless trick played on me. I've finally realized that in all these horrible things were some blessings and miracles; my great grandmother dying showed me true pain that helped me mature past most of my peers in ways that have me looking back and wondering if that was when my childhood ended or if it had ended before that. My grandfather dying helped me break through in certain areas in my therapy and helped me figure things out. My grandmother surpassing her 4-6 months to live to 2 years living with cancer has shown me that as long as you fight you always can get through things. And watching my mother deal with all of these things and being my rock is a wonderful thing to watch as a women growing up wanting to know how to handle situations like these.
I'm turning to God more and more in situations i find myself in, and praying for patience and for him to help me understand things. And the more time with him i spend the happier and lighter my load feels.

First Year of College finished!

                    I finished my first year of college this past Thursday and I feel very accomplished about this little fact of finishing with a new year of a new school. I've meet some amazing people, lived with two girls I don't think I can ever live with again, pushed my self beyond my comfort zone in my art, lost an important person in my life, dealt with being dumped twice by the same boy and grew as a person.  I learned a lot about myself this past school year and I am a better person for it. :)
I will now spam you pictures of my art from this past year, and some pictures of the people I've meet!

Painting 1, 3D, Intro to Photographic Media, Drawing 1 and 2D.

John Joseph Nee.

                    My grandfather, or as I called him, Poppese, my partner. I was a fatherless child raised by a single mother who moved back with her parents to help lighten the load of having a child unmarried and alone, grew up with two loving grandparents and one very special great grandmother(a blog of her will come later), my grandfather stepped up to the plate and became like my father figure, and I know I couldn't have a better person to be my father. He picked me up from preschool, hiding oreos in his truck, taking me to the Fryburg Fair and buying my greasy french fries and hambugers, and when i got older bringing me to friends houses(he was the only one who could remember where they all lived), sporting events, school issued events and the occasional random drive to look at the leaves. I never went without having him cheer me on during sports and after giving me a list of things to improve on.
                   When I was seven he was diagnosed with Asbestosis Poisoning and was put on an air tank with oxygen for the remainder of his life, and that never stopped him from bringing me places or watching Paramedics on tv eating ice cream with me.
                   I grew up with an amazing man as my role model and as amazing step in father for me to understand how a man should treat a woman. I learned how to put down a hardwood floor(however i cannot remember that haha), random foods like french toast grilled cheese that my friends love, and how to make the perfect frappe. This man taught me how to make bubble letters, how to throw myself on a ball while in the goal, how to tell a good friend from a bad one, that drinking was no good, and to keep my word. This man was the one man in my life to always be there for me, and I will always adore this man, and call him not only my grandfather but my father. This man was an amazing person to me and i loved knowing him and i loved being his granddaughter and partner.
He died when i was about to enter my sophomore year of high school and was not around to see me make it through boarding school, graduate high school and complete my first year of college. But i do know that he would be so proud and so happy for me and love the people who are in my life.


  I love you Poppese, forever and ever. I'll always miss you <3 Rest In Peace.

the Aquarium :3

fish(open shutter as they moved).

         In the past week I have gone to the New England Aquarium, once with my mother and the next time with my friend Carly. Knee deep in small children pushing through the throng of people with parents trailing behind them, I attempt to do my photography homework with taking pictures of motion and sometimes capturing some cute turtles and fish just because. Pushed and shoved by little hands, the words "I'm so sorry" from the worried parents who hurry to capture that little child who has once again run off to see the cute fish that are behind very thick glass.
      
          This is what reminds me that once apon a time I was one of those kids, leashed however(yes i was a leashed child), who ran ahead of slow parents to see that fish up close. My mom would take me to the aquarium so that I could witness the wonderful life that lives under the sea. We would go to and from different sights, then to the touch tank where I would stick my little hands under the ice cold water to pick up a small starfish or if I was feeling brave a sea urchin. I loved going to the aquarium, and even now a few dozen years later and this time I'm tall enough to see things better, I still find the aquarium amazing. (Even the very creepy anaconda that could eat me).
I will now spam you with pictures of the aquarium. :)

baby blue penguins.

sea urchin.

an 80 year old sea turtle.

jelly fish(open shutter).

starfish.

What do you live for?

For my english comp class I am reading the book Cancer Ward by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. This is a book about men who are in a cancer ward for different types of cancers with different types of backgrounds, one Pavel is a working man inside the Stalin regimen, Kostoglotov was a solider who was sent to the ward to heal, and Vadim sent himself to this ward to finish his lifes work. In this ward they must re-evaluate their life and one reads in a book "what is it that man lives for". Each has a different answer: work, education, their country, responsibilty..etc. But the book says man lives for love.

This question brings to mind in my own life "what do i live for?" It took me a while to figure out what it is that I as a human being live for. But it came down to the following: family, friends, myself and yes love.

I live to make my family proud of my accomplishments through good grades in college, proving to them that I can live on my "own" and that I can make my own important decisions. I want them to be proud of me, never ashamed to admit that "Chelsea Nee? why yes she's my daughter, niece, granddaughter...etc". I love my family and do not want to let them down.

I live to have a good time with my friends, to be there when I am needed and even when I'm not, I want to be the kind of friend that they know will drop everything just to listen to them talk about a crush, a family issue, or just for them to vent and offer advice or a hug. I want to be helpful but also be someone to go have a good time with. Which has proven to be a good thing, I am the first person most think of to go on an adventure, to go to the mall, or even to come over and hang out.

I live to make myself happy with choices in life. I stick to what I believe in even if someone else has a different opinion. I have my beliefs, that may not match someone elses but I am proud of them for they are something that I know in my heart is the right thing. I want to be able to look back on my life and never regret something that I have done but look back and say "Yes I had fun getting here".

I live for love, from friends, family, animals, and hopefully from a man who will be proud to call me his own. One day I would like to find the man out there that will love me the way that my grandfather loved my grandmother. I want to have friendship and have a lover in one wonderful person. I cannot wait to maybe start a family one day, or even just devote my life to some animals and another person. I have so much love to give I cannot wait to meet the right person who will love me equally back.

But this week I leave you all to think about "What do you live for?" Take a moment to look around you and really think about it.

Veronica A. Nee, my mother.

       For all that know my mother and myself they would know that we don't have the Gilmore Girl relationship, when we have our ups and downs, one very big down, but with some very nice ups. But for those who are not on the inside they would not know that besides all those bad moments filled with my bad attitude, yelling and our equal amounts of stubbornness, this woman is a person that I look up too and one day hope to have an ounce of her strength.
Growing up I never went without anything another child my age wanted, even if I was raised by a single parent living in her parents house. I went to museums, aquariums, camp. I did soccer, baseball, and basketball all with her with me or watching on the sidelines. However living with older people there are always medical things, and with my family it was my great grandmas heart attack the night before my baptism, my grandfather being put permanently put on oxygen, to my grandmother being diagnosed with terminal cancer, she stood strong and carried on. She helped out, did things she didn't want to do, she always worked two to three jobs to provide for me, and kept my grandmother running the house.
I watched her loose her grandmothers, father, and I am now watching her slowly loosing her mother and I wish I could have her strength and poise to continue doing the things she was doing before and keep a smile, or in her case her own special smile, on her face and trudge through it.
Most days I wish that her life was easier and that she didn't have to deal with all of these things and I wish that nothing bad happened to her.
She is my hero, the person I look up too, the person I hope to be when I go out into the world. She raised me, got a degree, kept two jobs, helped my grandmother, and still managed to keep up with her shows. I love my mother a lot.

Football Season and Photography.

On this super bowl Sunday instead of watching the big game, I finished up my photography homework and re watched Gilmore Girls. I used to make wings of fire or hot wings with my grandfather, and get the living room all ready for the big game. I used to talk stats and players and pretend to understand how the game really worked and get my seat next to him on the couch with the knowledge that I had till after halftime to watch the game. This was my special time with my grandfather. I was the first born grandchild and the oldest by 7 1/2 years and I got the priced spot on the couch, and I got to spend my days with him. My mother would sit with us and correct papers or finish up the laundry and complain, good heartily about the fact she was missing a murder show for this silly game. I look back on this special time with smiles and laughter.
My grandfather passed away 3 1/2 almost 4 years ago and I have yet to watch the super bowl. I've watched pregames at boarding school on nights I had nothing else to do, but once the super bowl came I started to watch it then left, returning only for the halftime show. It was just not the same with out my grandfather to watch with me. It felt wrong in a way to watch our show without him.
So instead of joining in on the festivities I made pasta and got into bed and fine tuned my photography homework and lightly edited my photographs thinking that maybe one year I'll get the courage to watch that one sporting event next year.
But until then I will just continue doing what i do best: Photography.

Beach during the winter.

Today I went out with some friends and went around town and to the beach to take photos. I love going to the beach in the fall and winter, yes the beach is wonderful in the summer for its warm and not chilly during that time, but in the fall and winter months the beach takes on a new feeling and a sense of wonder. I love that I can stand on the beach and see birds, like some stray geese and a few seagulls still swimming about in the ice cold water and feel happy by watching them continue life during the coldest months of New England living. I love the solitariness of the empty beach, however cold it maybe, the fact that all I can hear and see is the waves crashing in onto the surprisingly bare beach, looking around at the rest of the snow covered land.

I'm glad that the college I chose to attend for the next three years is so close to the beach. I love the smell and the crisp air that flows in from the ocean. I just love the beach when its empty and utterly silent.

Intro to Photographic Media..or dance time.

This Wednesday I started my photography class, and it was fun to actually put my lovely camera to good use. We did a photo shoot using lights, music, and ourselves as models. The assignment was to use the edges of the picture and fragment the person. In the picture above you can see one of my photos of my friend Carly. :) Shes very energetic and loves when you play with her hair, and in using her as my model(along with my bestie Eli who's photos I don't have yet) jumped around and moved in different ways as I worked around them to get the photos that I wanted.
While I was doing that I was dancing around and acting like a fool and no one judged me and choose to join in, and most of these people I knew but am not close with and a few who I did not know. But at the end of the class I was having a blast. We had music blasting, random dance offs, and still got some good photographs out of it.
This is what I want to do with my life, photograph people having fun enjoying themselves. My goal is to one day work as a Rolling Stone(the magazine) photographer, photographing famous people and hear their stories and enjoy taking their photos. The number one person would have to be Johnny Depp, I love his work, and him :) haha.

all of the photographs on this blog are done by yours truly and one day I'll put up a post of just photos. :)

back in college :)

Saturday I turned the wonderful age of 19. It's a weird thing to think about that my childhood is finally behind me and it ended my wonderful break home for a month and a half. :) Now it is time for me to re-focus on college and spending time on my passion Photography. :)
  This semester I start working towards my major; Photography and my minor; Art History. I'm finally accepting that being my true smart self with actually get me some where in this life and its an amazing thing to realize. I'm so excited that I get to start with photography again, its so wonderful :)
Its nice to be doing something I know I'm good at ;)

This week I turn 19. :)

This Friday, the 21, I turn 19. :) It is my very last year as a teenager, and I must say it is a bit scary to leave my childhood behind me and embrace the 'grown up' world. Its also very exciting that for this birthday I am (still) home from college, I wouldn't of wanted to be away from home on this very exciting birthday, I was at boarding school for my 16th birthday[but that is a totally different post for another day]. Its also incredibly wonderful that my grandmother will be there for this birthday, for this time last year we were not sure how long she would be around.

I'm sad to say looking back my favorite birthday was my 12th birthday. It was the very last birthday that my great grandmother and my grandfather were both alive for, my grandpa lived till my 15th birthday. Those two people growing up were my best friend and my father figure, and to this day I know that they had a big part in helping me grow into the person who I am now.

My great grandmother, Rose, taught me the importance of embracing my creativity and imagination. I played my younger years away with her while imagining I was living in 1913 or I was 25 and going out to dinner with an old friend. I lived my entire youth waiting for 11 am and on school days my Fridays, so that I could go to my second house, conveniently place behind my home to see my very best friend.

My grandfather, John, was the only father figure that I had growing up. I didn't grow up in a traditional home and my father was my grandfather. He used to be the only one at times who could put me to sleep when I wouldn't for my mother, his belly was my favorite place to sleep.  He came to all my sporting events, took me to friends houses, sat through movies with me, took me to the Fryburg fair, and spent time with me. He was an amazing person, and showed me how a man should treat me.

These two people, and along with my mother and grandmother have helped make me me. And I am so very thankful that I was lucky enough to live these past 19 years with them behind me :)

Traveling.

               So as it is getting near the time of the year where I used to start packing my bags, start a count down and get my stuff ready for that plane flight over either the Atlantic or Pacific Ocean to some new country for me and some friends to explore. Starting at the age of 11 or 12 my mother took me on a cruise into the Bahamas where we stopped at one of the islands and my travel bug started. From then on our usual trip to Massachusettes seemed less exciting as it once was. So off to Canada in 7th grade, then in the fall of my freshman year in high school I signed up to go on the school trip to Japan. In 10th grade I took that 16 hour plane ride to Osaka Japan and I loved the culture and the experience. So for the the next three years of high school I traveled to; Germany, Greece, Italy, The Vatican City(it is its own country in a country), Ireland, Wales, England, and Scotland.
           This year my breaks don't fall with my old high school so the trip to Germany(the first time i only stayed for two nights and one day) was canceled for me. However next year I get the chance to go to either  Italy, Japan, or England and I am super excited :) :)

Happy New Year. :)

Over the past years I've had my share of hardships, like most in life. I've had very important family members taken from me, best friends leave or stick around, had my heart broken and tried my hardest but failed. I have taken all of this in stride, accepting help when it was necessary. But this past year everything has fell into place, I succeeded in getting into my top college, made it to one year with a boy, watch my Grandmother live past the sentence the cancer had given her, and even traveled to one more place.
I've learned after being dumped shortly before the New Year that I am strong as an individual, sure I like being in a relationship for I love to love people, but I don't need to be in one to be happy. I've learned that my New Years kiss doesn't have to be a boy it can be from a best friend on the cheek. I know right now that in my (almost) 19 years of life, I have a lot to give the world and I know that the right person for me is out there :) Now if only I could let go of some of my anxiety this year could be great :)